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Giant Tsunami of AIDS hits America (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11341682)

Giant Tsunami of AIDS hits America

BOSTON, MASS (AMERICAN NEWS SERVICES) - A giant tsunami of AIDS hit the east and west coasts of the United States simultaneously today, causing numerous casualties and uncountable human suffering. The wave impacted at 8:03.32 EST, when most people were preparing for their 45-minutes commutes to work.

Immediate submissive and passive behavior followed, culminating in a rolling pile of writhing bodies engaged in all forms of anal sex and gay fellatio. Further, the atmosphere around California outleast became "downright fruity," according to Governor Arnold Schwarzeneger, who quickly followed his statement with a glance at the polls and, "But we support that, of course."

A tsunami is a rolling undersea wave created by a massive shock or earthquake, and can race across the ocean floor at speeds of up to 500 miles per hour before being channeled upward by the slanted coastline, producing waves up to 50 feet tall that come crashing down on helpless victims.

"I have asked the President to declare a state of emergency and impose martial law," said New Jersey acting governor Richard J. Codey. "Federal aid alone can address this devastating event, and with any luck, they'll be wearing well-cut matching uniforms." As he said this to a press conference, a ripple of delighted sighing passed through the audience.

AIDS, or Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome, is a disease which attacks the body's defenses against disease and turns them against the body itself, much as a submissive philosophy encourages one to pity one's enemies and turn the other (glutteal) cheek. Originally called GRID, or Gay-Related Immune Disease, the disease was named AIDS after gay groups objected, threatening the paychecks of doctors and researchers alike.

In New Jersey, the giant wave caused vast demographic shifts toward lifestyles centered around submissive sexuality, in addition to outbreaks of lisping and Village People impersonators, and the City Courthouse to turn bright pink. "I think it's safe to say we're in a New America," said Codey. "The old America was boldly asserting oneself against the frontier, but the New America is being ready to take any good-looking cock that comes along deep into your digestive tract."

Hispanic groups massed on the Mexican border and prepared to surge across into a newly-receptive America, while boatloads of Haitians, who have more experience with AIDS than any other group except young gay urban professionals, circled near the coastline of American cities selected by The Jewish Review as "most tolerant." On boat 3417, refugee and freedom fighter Mbeko Hassan Washington Khan said, "America is about opportunity, and while the orifice is open, we are taking ours!"

As Federal Emergency Management Association workers, dressed in bright pastels, descended upon the afflicted area with sushi, condoms, lubricant and lime jell-o, lawmakers gathered in Washington, D.C., to discuss the New American outlook. "Gone are the days of manly self-assertion, domination and warfare," said Senator Barack Obama (D-Illinois). "We're talking openly with the Iraq resistance about simply opening a franchise for our government and importing sexy men who can't grow moustaches."

The disaster took an unusually high toll, said Codey, because when the wave reared up on the coastline, most victims took refuge in churches and leftist coffee bars, where the greatest concentration of the wave hit. "They were destroyed in exactly the places they saw as refuge," wept Codey. "I can only empathize."

Reaction was mixed worldwide. German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder expressed surprise. "I'm amazed it was even noticed, since Americans have been passive whiny queens bitching in front of their televisions since 1944 or so," he said. In Israel, Prime Minister and Rassenfuehrer Ariel Sharon sent his best wishes to America, saying, "Israel has always had a wonderful submissive partner in the United States."

Asked if he thought the "New America" would be able to sustain its submissive lifestyle without going bankrupt, Schwarzeneger began a lengthy monologue about the need to cut funding for internal programs while not raising taxes but, after whisperings with his advisor, put on a rainbow warrior(tm) ribbon and said simply, "Yeth."

On Wall Street, trader W.J. "Bruce" Willingsworth (formerly Bill "Chunk-Style" Willingsworth) looked pensively to the sky and said, "With change, comes great opportunity, and none of us in the financial community want to miss out. We're lucky it wasn't an ice age, because that would leave only the strong surviving, depriving us of passive sexual partners."



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Well... (-1, Offtopic)

Blue-Footed Boobie (799209) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341686)

I, for one, welcBLAM!

Re:Well... (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11341880)

Emeril is that you?

Shield (0)

FiReaNGeL (312636) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341698)

Couldn't they implement laser-reflecting shield on the plane's window or at least on pilots googles? It would go a long way protecting pilots eyes...

Re:Shield (1)

Lindsay Lohan (847467) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341773)

Couldn't they implement laser-reflecting shield on the plane's window or at least on pilots googles
The diffusive material required to render these lasers harmless would have the unfortunate side-effect of making the window (or [google.com] 's) opaque.

Re:Shield (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11341778)

The goggles...... zey do nothing!!!!!!!!! /McBain

Re:Shield (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11341789)

The problem is that using laser-reflecting shields has some annoying side-effects, such as blocking all visible light entering the cockpit...

Sure! (1)

temojen (678985) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341790)

Which frequency? What if someone uses a different type of laser?

Re:Shield (4, Informative)

Gleef (86) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341795)

Sure, if they want the pilots to be unable to see. Lasers can be in any wavelength of the EM spectrum. There's no way to block out all lasers without blocking out all light.

Personally, I prefer the extra safety of having pilots able to look at their surroundings.

Re:Shield (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11342169)

But the human eyes have 2x more green receptors than of the other colors, and are therefore lots more sensitive to green.

Not saying laser filters are a superb idea, but anyway.

Re:Shield (1)

testing124 (772675) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342339)

But the human eyes have 2x more green receptors than of the other colors, and are therefore lots more sensitive to green.
Oh really! This must have evolved after the US gov. introduced paper money...

Re:Shield (2, Informative)

scotch (102596) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342340)

The really dangerous lasers are infrared. Certain frequencies in the infrared do major corneal or retinal damage. This happens without the eye owner knowing that it's happening.

Re:Shield (1)

Shut the fuck up! (572058) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341807)

Couldn't they implement laser-reflecting shield on the plane's window or at least on pilots googles? It would go a long way protecting pilots eyes...

Hey, dildo: They need a solution NOW, TODAY, not a year from now or three yesrs from now. So why don't you just sit back down and shut the fuck up!

Re:Shield (1)

ted_the_canuck (594354) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341866)

Lasers can be made at various frequencies, so that might be tricky. You can purchase goggles that block out certain laser frequencies, but I suspect it might be difficult to read certain indicators on instruments if the goggles were meant to block out green light. The transmission efficiency of most laser goggles isn't very good.

Re:Shield (1)

eviloverlordx (99809) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341992)

Dang...I guess that means I won't be able to use my death ray/laser pointer to illuminate any more planes :(.

Re:Shield (1)

mOoZik (698544) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342096)

Just get the pilots to wear goggles of the specific wavelengths, such as of the most popular lasers, which I think is something like 550-700 nm? I could be wrong, but you get the idea...

Re:Shield (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11342204)

I think it's called "Smoke and Mirrors"

This is.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11341702)

This is NCA-1430 flying over California...and...Hey c'mon. make em stop that!

US D.O.T. Lasers: (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11341703)

No wireless. Less space than a flashlight. Lame.

Drat! (4, Funny)

irokitt (663593) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341720)

It would appear that my army of sharks with frickin' laser beams on their foreheads is no longer feasible.

This makes me sad.

Re:Drat! (1)

AceCaseOR (594637) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341752)

t would appear that my army of sharks with frickin' laser beams on their foreheads is no longer feasible.

Since they are sharks, and sharks are fish, wouldn't that technically be a navy of sharks with frickin' laser beams on their foreheads?

Re:Drat! (1)

contagious_d (807463) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341871)

I say he should put the sharks' brains in robot bodies and give them chainsaw hands and those floaties with the duck heads on the front. Then it could be both... like the Marines.

Re:Drat! (1)

AintTooProudToBeg (187954) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341772)

Perhaps you should consider sea bass...

Re:Drat! (1)

irokitt (663593) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341808)

Actually, the fallback crutch is jellyfish;)

Re:Drat! (1)

lucabrasi999 (585141) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341960)

Perhaps you should consider sea bass...

Are they ill-tempered?

Re:Drat! (1)

The Good Reverend (84440) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342385)

I love sea bass!

Please Quit Making That Stupid Reference (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11341885)

God, I hate that stupid fucking movie! You should too! It's so fuckin' stupid! When I hear that music--ecchhh! I want to punch you. None of the characters are funny. I would expect more from Mike Meyers. He used to be funny. I can't believe he puts his name on that piece of shit. I'd rather watch a Bugs Bunny marathon. The fact that you find it entertaining is mind-boggling to me. I think you should know better.

Re:Please Quit Making That Stupid Reference (-1, Offtopic)

lucabrasi999 (585141) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341942)

God, I hate that stupid fucking movie

Dr. Evil: That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil gets angry Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people DIE!

Re:Please Quit Making That Stupid Reference (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11342050)


Anonymous Coward: It's so fuckin' stupid!
Dr. Evil: Can I have a hug?
AC: No.
Dr. Evil: Give me a hug.
AC: No way.
Dr. Evil: Come on. Let's go. Pronto.
AC: What are you doing?
Dr. Evil: I'm with it. I'm hip. Well, don't look at me like I'm friggin' Frankenstein! Come here and give your father a hug.
AC: Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho!
Dr. Evil: Hug, hug, hug.

Re:Drat! (1)

fm6 (162816) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342271)

Sharks? How absurd! Wouldn't werewolves or mutant eagles be more practical for most applications?

How long has this been happening? (2, Insightful)

Jerk City Troll (661616) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341723)

I was listening to the news (NRP) this morning and the reporter explained how this was a "sudden rash" of activity. But is that really the case? It seems to me that this has been happening for a long time. Laser pointers have been available to the general public for quite some time now. We are supposed to believe that people only got it into their heads to start aiming them at planes and other interesting targets within the past few months?

Re:How long has this been happening? (3, Interesting)

Marxist Hacker 42 (638312) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341825)

More a matter of strength- 100mw lasers have only gotten cheap in the last couple of months, most laser pointers are only 5mw and would be far too dim to do any damage (as it is, your average 5mw laser has to be held on the pupil for 30 seconds to do any damage. I don't know about you, but my hands shake too much to hold on a stationary target that small at 100 feet, let alone a pilot's eyeball on a jetliner moving past me at 100 MPH).

Re:How long has this been happening? (2, Informative)

mpathetiq (726625) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341834)

TFA say there have been 400+ reported incidents since 1990. 31 of these happened since Dec. 23rd. That seems to be a sudden rash!

Re:How long has this been happening? (2, Insightful)

spungebob (239871) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341958)

We are supposed to believe that people only got it into their heads to start aiming them at planes and other interesting targets within the past few months?

I would say "yes"... not because this hasn't been happening for a long time now, but because the media has finally gotten around to telling the story - and of course they have to tell EVERYONE about it so yes, they're the ones who are now putting the idea into the heads of TONS of goobers who'd never thought of it before. It's your typical self-fulfilling media-fed frenzy where they're reporting on a "sudden rash" that they themselves have helped to create.

Re:How long has this been happening? (1)

kd5ujz (640580) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342321)

Its been a sudden rash since the media blew it out of proportion, and now every dipshit with a damn toy thinks its funny.

Re:How long has this been happening? (3, Insightful)

drooling-dog (189103) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342370)

But is that really the case?

This entire issue seems a little fishy to me. Laser pointers are not very powerful (as someone else here pointed out), and the accuracy and stability with which someone on the ground would have to hold it in order to keep the (weak and highly diverged) spot on a pilot's retina (in a moving aircraft, no less) for any length of time is very hard to imagine.

But then, I can't think of a reason why the Powers That Be would want to hype the threat, unless a ban on laser pointers was coming for some unrelated and unpublicized reason. Or, perhaps, just to maintain the general level of terror hysteria here in the U.S..

So, please read this report.. (3, Funny)

adeyadey (678765) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341726)

..with the remaining eye..

The goggles... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11341736)

...they do nothing.

at least it's not the navy (0, Redundant)

Triumph The Insult C (586706) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341739)

putting huge frickin lasers on sharks

Light aircraft? (3, Insightful)

FalconZero (607567) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341741)

I assume this is for (small) light aircraft, as anything bigger than a sopwith camel [aviation-history.com] either :
  • Flys above clouds (if present)
  • Doesn't have a flight deck pointing towards the ground (granted they bank, light refects and low angle beams)
  • Doesn't hang around if one place long enough for any ground based beam to hit someone eye for more than fractions of a second, so it doesn't matter (unless your talking about one of these [slashdot.org] )
Anyway.... how long is it before they also recommend, radar and IR detection, as well as chaff and flares for civilian planes?? or perhapse civilian stealth?? [I'd quite like to see a stealth Airbus A380 [planepictures.net] ]

Re:Light aircraft? (1)

Realistic_Dragon (655151) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341801)

[I'd quite like to see a stealth Airbus A380]

It's already stealthy - it's so fricking big no one will believe it's really floating around in the sky.

The military transport version will just be the same thing painted pink with a Somebody Elses Problem field.

Re:Light aircraft? (2, Informative)

Marxist Hacker 42 (638312) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341855)

That 100mw+ laser is EXACTLY what they're talking about- anything less just doesn't have the power to matter, and the one guy who has been arrested so far was using one of those babies.

Re:Light aircraft? (2, Interesting)

FalconZero (607567) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342112)

At no point does the FAA, the U.S. DOT, or the poster specify the power output, and yes, I read both before before I posted (and before the story was posted). In addition, you expect the assialant to keep a 100+mW laser on target for a significant length of time when....

Minimum Distance from Source : 500m [50,000cm](~5 seconds from impact)
Pupil Size : 1cm
Tan(Theta)=Opp/Adj
Theta=arcTan(Opp/Adj)
Theta=arcTan(1/50000)=arcTan(0.00002)
=~0.00114592 Degrees

If both the plain and the laser were absolutly still, the laser would have to be pointed with an angular precision of 0.0011 degrees. You think you can hold your hand steady to that precision? And keep it there for long enough to be a problem?? and without you or the plane moving by more than a cm???

Re:Light aircraft? (2, Interesting)

Marxist Hacker 42 (638312) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342216)

I know I can't- but the guy in the OTHER story who got arrested apparently was able to target the initial jetliner for 5 seconds and the subsequent helicopter for 10. In NEITHER account was anybody blinded though- as that would take a good deal more time. I was making an assumption that the new US DOT regulations were coming at this time (as opposed to long before now) due to the recent rash of events reported.

I'm STILL skeptical on two of the events reported- at ~10,000 m from the ground, I would think that the events over Colorado and Oregon would HAVE to be either plane-to-plane, or completely accidental discharge of an industrial laser.

Is the problem this bad? (0, Offtopic)

Gorffy (763399) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341759)

Is this problem really so bad that the government needs to start shelling out loads of cash to implement a system against it?

Parent not Offtopic. (1)

dynamo_mikey (218256) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342002)

Is this problem really so bad that the government needs to start shelling out loads of cash to implement a system against it?

How is the parent Offtopic? He's just questioning the cost/benefit analysis of a "new reporting system for pilots" which is what the article is about.

That's right on point if you ask me. Is this a serious issue that we should be spending tax dollars on? From what I've read, I'm skeptical.

-dynamo

teh ghey (1, Insightful)

the0ther (720331) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341763)

This is so stupid. This laser crap is so blown out of proportion. Wtf is someone going to do with a laser that will take down a commercial airliner? Shine it in the pilot's eye AND the copilots eye AND disable the autopiloting system AND they probably have a way for the tower to land the plane in case of emergency. Anyone who disagrees with me is a scared little wussie and probably voted for Bush, who won mostly because of all the fearmongering leading up to the election. Sheesh.

Re:teh ghey (1)

wasted (94866) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342018)

A couple of quick points -

From what I can tell from talking to commercial airline pilots, most landings are done manually to keep in practice, and hand flown landings are usually softer than the ones flown automatically.

The people in the tower cannot land the plane. Only the people in the cockpit can control the autopilot/autoland functions.

Re:teh ghey (1)

Martin Blank (154261) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342023)

There is no way for the tower to land the plane in the case of an emergency. If there were, the hijacked planes on 9/11 would have been controlled from the ground. This concept has been brought up before, and the pilot unions have raised issues with it, particularly the possibility of someone unauthorized getting into the system and downing a few planes despite perfectly capable flight crews being on-board.

Re:teh ghey (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11342073)

Fear is a fantastic tool of control. Gotta keep the public in a state of fear, so that they will continue to vote republican (ie: big government, less rights, useless and costly wars, etc.)

You've got to be kidding me (1)

TheMysteriousFuture (707972) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342087)

EH?

AND disable the autopiloting system AND they probably have a way for the tower to land the plane in case of emergency. Anyone who disagrees with me is a scared little wussie


I VERY MUCH disagree with you. You sir are a harebrained, idiotic, mentally incompetent, ill informed, loony.

A system to land a plane remotely (i.e. from "the tower" has never been deployed on commercial airliners. Furthermore an autopilot is NOT capable of automatically landing a plane at the vast majority of airports.

Re:teh ghey (1)

jimmcq (88033) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342089)

Wtf is someone going to do with a laser that will take down a commercial airliner?

How about a laser-guided RPG/missle?

Re:teh ghey (1)

YrWrstNtmr (564987) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342141)

This is so stupid. This laser crap is so blown out of proportion.

I take it you wouldn't be bothered if someone shone a laser into your eyes while you're trying to drive at night?

Shine it in the pilot's eye AND the copilots eye

I don't know about you, but I like my pilots being able to see. 100%. Not suffering from temporary blindness trying to land at night.

they probably have a way for the tower to land the plane in case of emergency.

Uh huh..sure. That is simply reused technology from the alien ship stored at hangar 18.

You are the scaredy cat saftey pussy. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11342160)

FU
Bush Rules!

Re:teh ghey (1)

lucabrasi999 (585141) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342213)

Shine it in the pilot's eye AND the copilots eye AND disable the autopiloting system AND they probably have a way for the tower to land the plane in case of emergency.

From this, not only do I presume that you don't have a pilots license, but it appears that you have never actually seen the inside of a commercial airliner.

Anyone who disagrees with me is a scared little wussie and probably voted for Bush

In my case, you are wrong. I voted for the other wealthy patrician.

Make a straight line, go to jail. (2, Funny)

www.sorehands.com (142825) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341776)

Now, when you try to align something, but you overshine the target, the pilot flying 25000 feet overhead will report you to the FBI.


Re:Make a straight line, go to jail. (1)

Stalus (646102) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341923)

Well, one of the guys that was questioned was using his green laser to point at stars. Lasers are used quite extensively for astronomy discussions. Also, telescopes and satellites use them for calibration. There are lots of lasers pointed skyward.

Because of this, I don't know how they would ever be able to prosecute someone.. unless they're caught with some complicated tracking system that can follow the human retina at that distance and speed. But if a terrorist had that, why would they use a friggin laser?

Math is fun! (1)

SuperKendall (25149) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342007)

Hey kids! If a jet is travelling at 500MPH and passes overhead, how long will that dot of light be visible?

Now calculate exactly the angle required to shine a lazer through teh windshield of an aircraft flying overhead without going through the floor!

What have we learned today? If an external laser light is visible at all inside a jet, it means someone is trying hard to keep it on the cockpit (unless of course they are trying to blind passengers which makes little sense from a diobolical standpoint but perhaps would give laser owning idiots the same jollies).

I would also say if you do not have full control of your equipment you probably should not be whipping it out. Or else the kid playing in the tree next to you could have pretty good grounds for a suit against you even if you don't "accidentally" track a jet for five+ seconds.

What about at the movies? (1)

beckerbuns (528884) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341783)

Is there some authority who will take reports on those morons who paint the movie screen with laser pointers?

Re:What about at the movies? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11341897)

Is there some authority who will take reports on those morons who paint the movie screen with laser pointers?

OT: You actually go to a movie theater? Get a big TV (widescreen), a DVD player and surround sound. That problem with the laser pointers goes away.

Re:What about at the movies? (1)

Nasarius (593729) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342171)

As do the 15 minutes of adverts, followed by 15 minutes of trailers. I paid for my fucking ticket, why do you think you can show me car commercials? Bullshit. I used to go to the movies fairly often; now I just wait and use NetFlix.

Laser Pointers (0, Redundant)

MrRuslan (767128) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341788)

I think laser pointers are illegal as it is because I remember I was unable to walk 2 blocks without someone pointing one at me, now I rarely see them.

Re:Laser Pointers (1)

temojen (678985) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341891)

They're not illegal (here); The novelty's worn off.

Re:Laser Pointers (2, Insightful)

ajlitt (19055) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342126)

Laser pointers are not explicitly illegal in the USA. The FDA says it's illegal to sell equipment that emits laser radiation and hasn't had a power classification filed. Laser pointers usually come with the FDA warning sticker stating the maximum emitted power. Even CD players, which do not in normal circumstances emit beams from the case, have such a rating.

However, many states have made it illegal to point lasers at oncoming traffic, citing that it distracts drivers and becomes a safety hazard. For the same exact reason, having misaligned headlights is also illegal.

A laser used properly is just like any other potentially hazardous machine. Chainsaws have been used to commit some nasty acts, but nobody would even consider the possibility of banning or tightly regulating them just because they've got a sinister use. [insert gun control rant here]

OT, but... (0, Troll)

jxyama (821091) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342303)

>[insert gun control rant here]

not to flame, but guns differ from cars/knives/laser pointers/chainsaws/etc. because it's primary (and only) function is violent, physical destruction. (close case can be made for controlling chainsaw, but i hope you see my point.) a good argument can be made that the very purpose of guns, as a design, is for "sinister use."

Re:OT, but... (1)

rhsanborn (773855) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342394)

Unfortunately, its less convenient and less effective for me to keep a chainsaw handy to protect my family.

How to aim at a target 1000's of feet away? (1)

winkydink (650484) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341805)

(or meters/metres for those of you not in the US) Since a very small movement of the wrist is going to result in a large movement at the other end of the beam, it stirkes me that it has to be pretty darn hard to aim a laser beam into a cockpit unless you've either got it mounted on some sort of tripod or you're very close to the take-off/landing point (in which case, you should be fairly easy to find)

Re:How to aim at a target 1000's of feet away? (1)

mboverload (657893) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341995)

Attach a scope, JUST like firing a rifle, but it's always on...and always firing...with unlimited ammo.

Re:How to aim at a target 1000's of feet away? (1)

winkydink (650484) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342029)

Very few people (military snipers aside) can scope on a moving target 5,000 feet away from them.

More security theater! (3, Insightful)

Shoten (260439) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341813)

Just what the hell is this supposed to accomplish?

"Hey, you just got a laser aimed at the cockpit!" says the computer.

"Great, what are we supposed to do, try to evade it? Somehow, re-enacting the final flight scenes of the movie Top Gun doesn't seem like such a hot idea in a Boeing 757 full of people while we're on a landing approach...and by the way, thanks for the hot tip about that brief blinding flash I just encountered. Glad to know it wasn't just my imagination," says the pilot.

Re:More security theater! (1)

Mr. Bad Example (31092) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341910)

> Just what the hell is this supposed to accomplish?
>
> "Hey, you just got a laser aimed at the cockpit!" says the computer.

Obviously, there will be an automated system in place to start the Laser Floyd show.

warning system (1)

lateralus_1024 (583730) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341824)

pfft....when i tried to warn the pilots with my laser pointer, i got fbi guys at my door the next hour.

Death Ray! (2, Funny)

MonkeyCookie (657433) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341831)

A lot of good some puny laser warning system will do them when I start aiming my death ray at the cockpit.

Remember folks, death rays don't kill people: people kill people.

Are we going to get better radar/laser detectors (2, Funny)

iamacat (583406) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341856)

as a result of development of this technology. Or did they just mount a stock one from Radio Shark on the airplane windshield?

Welcome... (1)

mars_rover (741702) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341864)

Welcome to Soviet America where all of your socialist dreams can and WILL come true!

I guess... (1)

tomstdenis (446163) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341907)

It's just too much to ask for people to have consideration for others...

We must legislate "nice behaviour"?

I mean I'm about to fly to France [again] and I'm nervous enough about the flight [say weather or other failures], about getting my work done, about getting all my stuff there and back, etc...

Now I have to also worry about some jackass with a sub-90 IQ pointing a laser during takeoff or something?

Fuck humanity.

Tom

Very helpful advice (2, Funny)

nizo (81281) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341927)

If pilots have a laser pointed at them, the circular strongly advises pilots and air crew to avoid direct eye contact...

Whew, it is a good thing they included that advice. I am sure most airline pilots figured that the best way to deflect a laser is with their eyeball.

What about Infrared lasers? (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11341931)

These would not even be visible.

This is such bullshit (4, Insightful)

krbvroc1 (725200) | more than 9 years ago | (#11341989)

Why can't this much effort be expended on creating a reporting and monitoring system for not loosing my luggage? Or how about for increasing on-time flight?. Or modernizing the radar systems?
Some guy in an apartment shines a laser that hits a plane and he's being treated like a terrorist. I haven't seen enough technical info that would convice me that an average laser on the ground would really be capable of causing a real problem. Perhaps outfit the pilots with $10 goggles or something.
Shoulder fired rockets are more likely to be a problem and we haven't spent the money to outfit planes with countermeasures; its cheaper to arrest people for pointing a laser and gives the appearance of being 'tough on terrorism'.

Re:This is such bullshit (3, Insightful)

fm6 (162816) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342300)

Why can't this much effort be expended on creating a reporting and monitoring system for not loosing my luggage?
Because cleaning up a crashed airplane is a lot more hassle than finding missing luggage.

Re:This is such bullshit (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11342395)

ohh... to have mods points, mod this guy up...

Laser-guided Missiles (2, Insightful)

krautcanman (609042) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342061)

Maybe laser-guided missiles installed in the planes would be a great deterrent. Shine a laser at the plane, you get a missile at your front door...

Unless you're in China, in which case they crash an old satellite into your apartment living room: http://www.china.org.cn/english/2004/Oct/109656.ht m [china.org.cn]

Special glasses is the easy solution (1)

Supp0rtLinux (594509) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342075)

All they need are colored glasses to filter out that particular part of the spectrum. In the same way that red light is used for reading in the darkness and not rendering you blind after, a colorized glass could filter out the green lights. Heck, we wear them in my lab when we work with the lasers. So do the people that make the laser pointers.

Dummy! Lasers Come in Different Colours (1)

DrInequality (521068) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342261)

All they need are colored glasses to filter out that particular part of the spectrum. In the same way that red light is used for reading in the darkness and not rendering you blind after, a colorized glass could filter out the green lights. Heck, we wear them in my lab when we work with the lasers. So do the people that make the laser pointers.

  1. Lasers come in different colours
  2. The only filter that blocks all colours is black/opaque
  3. Blind pilots is a pretty bad idea

"finally something wise"? No. (1)

SharpFang (651121) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342086)

I read the title and thought "wow, a wise thing". Only the summary+article changed that.

Just think: A laser illumination reporting/warning system. Using the kind of lasers that are used at disco to display stuff on the sky to project warnings on the clouds - hurricane, earthquake, flood, contamination, whatever disaster. These things are broadcast through the radio and TV, but people who aren't listening to a radio/watch tv at the moment may peek through the window to identify the "lights on the sky" - and the lights are saying "Chemical alert! Everyone in South-eastern district please move west, out of the way of the poisonous chlorine cloud,"

These things could be put to much better use than "cool pics on the clouds". Of course it would work only at night, but... why not?

Unfortunately "laser illumination reporting" means not reporting by use of laser but having use of laser reported. Stupid.

Re:"finally something wise"? No. (1)

TheMysteriousFuture (707972) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342154)

bwhahahaha haahahahahah ahahahahah

Re:"finally something wise"? No. (1)

t_allardyce (48447) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342373)

It would end up being used for advertising, which would be ironic because most people would boycott a product that forced itself like graffiti in the sky...

Renier Wolfcastle (1)

Kohath (38547) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342095)

Ach! My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

why? (1)

Mitsoid (837831) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342098)

Someone please tell me WHY someone can face jail time for pointing up at the sky ? I mean, hell, unless you live on the incoming/outgoing path of an airport, chances are the plane is at least 5,000 feet up! Most likely closer to 30-40,000 feet... We, as citizens, should have a right to sit in our back yards--and with no intent of harm--point laser pointers at the sky. I mean, who's the guy that decided to put little white lights on the plane that makes it blend in with stars at night? We cant tell it's a plane, it's 20-40,000 feet away, it's rediculous that we can face penalties for it... I think we are letting terrorism win by being afraid of this, people have been doing this for ages now, but since 9/11, and exagerated media reporting about it, it's now being blown outta proportion.. like the RIAA arresting a 12 year old girl for being some monsterous pirate of intellectual property... If it's really an issue, it's the responsibility of the 'operator' of the vehicle to make sure he can see.. it's not the responsability of someone 40,000 feet away to properly identify a small white blip in the sky as a plane, not a star...

Re:why? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11342275)

Mathematically, it is not likely that you are going to hit a plane 20+K ft. in the air. If you do the calculations, even if you managed to hit the plane, you're not going to light it up but for a very brief moment.

The guy who is currently being charged was being reckless at the least (being that close to an airport with active air traffic, which is much easier to light up) and stupid at the most (thinking its funny to light up an aircraft).

I don't think he deserves jail unless he was doing this on purpose or caused actual harm, but he had disregard for the proximity to an airport.

do they have to let the passengers know? (1)

jxyama (821091) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342208)

just out of curiosity, do the pilots have to let the passengers know if they get lasered but (obviously) not turn into a big accident.

i ask because a friend of mine experienced a plane accelerating to take off after trying to land. after reaching a higher altitude, he heard over the PA that "they had to abort the first landing attempt because there was another plane on the runway." (no joke.)

if they can divulge such information to the passengers, can they do the same about a "hot" topic like being lasered, provided the passengers are safe in the end?

Re:do they have to let the passengers know? (1)

t_allardyce (48447) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342301)

i ask because a friend of mine experienced a plane accelerating to take off after trying to land. after reaching a higher altitude, he heard over the PA that "they had to abort the first landing attempt because there was another plane on the runway." (no joke.)

It happens allot more than you think...

Re:do they have to let the passengers know? (1)

lucabrasi999 (585141) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342313)

i ask because a friend of mine experienced a plane accelerating to take off after trying to land. after reaching a higher altitude, he heard over the PA that "they had to abort the first landing attempt because there was another plane on the runway." (no joke.)

First of all, that is not an unusual circumstance. It has happened to me a couple of times. Due to congestion at airports, it is not unusual for pilots to have a short window of time in which to use a runway for takeoff or landing. If they delay for even a second or two, it throws off the whole system and your friend experienced the result. Most passengers sense that something has gone wrong and the pilot will come on and explain the problem.

do the pilots have to let the passengers know if they get lasered but (obviously) not turn into a big accident.

I doubt that they do. In your example, it is something that happens with a fair amount of frequency and there is very little danger associated with suddenly increasing a plane's altititude.

With lasers, there is a significant amount of danger. An announcement indicating that lasers were being pointed at the pilot would probably put some serious fear into the passengers. That fear could result in some serious consequences inside the plane itself.

Laser Detectors (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11342229)

Pilots should use them too.. just like I do when cops shine laser in my eyes on highways.

Handy advice (2, Funny)

DrKyle (818035) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342232)

from TFA:
If pilots have a laser pointed at them, the circular strongly advises pilots and air crew to avoid direct eye contact given the health and safety risks posed by some types of lasers.

Who are they getting to write these warnings, my Mom? "Don't look stray dogs in the eye or they might get mad and bite you." I would think this would be common sense, but then again, we are talking about the same people who brought you terrorist-proofing your home with duct tape.

Obligatory song... (2, Funny)

zx-6e (604380) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342247)

You light up my life...

lasik training (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11342306)

all the pieces will come together when its realized the 'criminals' are really a band of volunteer optomitrists providing free lasik to pilots who cant take time off work. thats service.

Warning! (0)

fred fleenblat (463628) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342319)

Do not point laser at remaining pilot!

Can anyone explain... (1)

Sebastopol (189276) | more than 9 years ago | (#11342390)


How you actually injure a pilot with a laser?

I can't make out the HEAD of a pilot 100 yards away, let alone bullseye the pupil! Throw in the fact that the plane is moving, and, it just seems unlikely that you could actually hit someone in the face. Maybe if you had a good scope attached to it, and the plane was coming right at you. But still: when a plane takes off or lands, its nose is up; and when a plane is in flight, the cockpit is obscured by the nose of the aircraft. How the heck could you possible hit a pilot square in the pupil with a laser?

Just doesn't seem possible to me. At least, highly unlikely (or very lucky) to actually hit that pupil.

Explain?

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